Hi ruby, you don’t know me but I’ve been following your writing and of course the events of what you are currently experiencing.
I don’t have advice or words of comfort that will be of any help but I wanted to tell you that I’ve been in your shoes.
I know how unfair and impotent it feels when something once so wonderful is cut off and you are left with uncertainty and feel like there is no way out.
As Karen Schwartz wrote before me, you can’t allow yourself to hold all the blame. All people are flawed and you are broken right now but that didn’t happen to you alone, it was the terrible circumstances that were left over in a situation between the two of you. So it isn’t all your fault.
I hope tomorrow is better than today for you and I’m sending positive stuff (in however people online do that) your way.