I get how you feel. From my experience with facing when someone awful to me in my life died, I rationalised it this way; that when they were alive and were awful, their presence, even in discussion always evoked big feelings. When someone is so awful to you in your life, there is no feeling neutral or indifferent. So when they die, there is nowhere for those big feelings to go, you still have them but they can’t be a result of the assholes actions anymore.
I hope that makes some sense.
Your feelings will become clear eventually, when that time comes you’ll feel very free to write the stories and make the jokes and the comments again!