Oh babe, my heart goes out to you to read this,

I'm sure one of the most difficult aspects is not being able to understand where it all went so wrong and why he chose to make the terrible decisions he did.

It's probably also that you have the nostalgia within you still from the good times, however, he isn't the man you once married. And that is also a mindfuck.

I'm sorry you are dealing with this. I have no advice, but sending hugs and would send wine if Ihad your address ❤️